I Love This Crazy Life

I Love This Crazy Life

I read a post the other day where the mom described her baby laying on her chest as two puzzle pieces fitting together. That’s how I feel when P is sick and she rubs her snot and slobber all over my shirt and then falls asleep drooling on me. She’s sick again with a stomach bug which means we have been in cleaning mode to keep up with her. My husband is also sick so it’s bedtime at 7:30 PM for all of us tonight. I’m sure she will be up at 10 ready to play and eat and I’ll be wishing I had just stayed awake. I came home from work to take her to her appointment because my husband was feeling terrible. I was working at the table in the kitchen with her on my lap (wouldn’t stop crying if I wasn’t holding her) and she fell asleep sitting there, head on my chest with me typing away.

Vomit Tub
When she’s really sick vomiting she likes to lay in her tub on a blanket so it’s not as messy.

Someone so small and delicate has come into our lives and completely changed every aspect of it. Our mornings and evenings revolve around her sleeping, eating, and getting her dressed and all of us out the door. She heads to school, we head to work and at the end of the day, we pick her up, change her, feed her, play with her and eat dinner some time in between. It was a very rough start at the beginning. People tell you it will be difficult but you don’t truly know it until you experience it. However, like all good things, after the storm the sun comes out. The hugs and the smiles seem like they will never come in the early days but they do and when they do, it’s like the rest never happened.

When we were still in the hospital, I cried and cried because I didn’t know what to do. She was crying and hungry but I wasn’t producing yet and I was sure we were starving her. When we got her home, it didn’t really get better. She was allergic to milk protein but we had no idea so the first month was torture. We slept in shifts to take care of her; I was constantly pumping, trying to nurse, crying, or trying to soothe her. The postpartum hit me like a ton of bricks one day when I sat on the bathroom floor and cried to my husband that I just couldn’t do it.

They Take Over
I gave up half of my closet space to fit her cute little hangers and clothes so we didn’t have to keep running upstairs.

If you have been in this place, you know that it is dark, lonely and feels hopeless. One thing you need to do is look forward. Look towards what is coming. The crawling, giggling, reaching for you, the first words and crawl. Look forward to the amazing things that will happen and not the difficulties you are experiencing and don’t bottle them up. You have to share them with your partner, family member, friend or counselor. You aren’t a failure. You aren’t hopeless. The baby doesn’t hate you. Your spouse doesn’t hate you and no one is going to judge you for having such a common issue.

P is still throwing up (it’s taken me days to write these paragraphs so this is three days later) after she eats but not as often. My husband is almost back to 100% and this morning I actually made a smoothie for breakfast (more on that in a later post). I was frustrated with some work items early on in the day but it quickly turned around. I saw my dad when I picked up P, my husband cooked dinner and I fed P some carrots and apples I made (also in a later post), and when she started throwing up we both leapt into action. I worked on calming her down, my husband carried her to the bathroom, I wiped down the table where she threw up, Daddy stripped her down and got her in her bath tub, mommy cleaned her bumbo then dried her off and got her dressed. It was only about 20 minutes but earlier on in her life, it would have been a disaster. We’ve come together so much more as parents.

Mama Bird

The coffee is ready to start brewing at 6 AM, our lunches are made for tomorrow, dishwasher full and running, baby sleeping and we are lying in bed and it’s only 9 PM. I couldn’t have imagined a weeknight where we didn’t watch television and sit and eat then lay around until later than we should have. Now I’m happy that we didn’t get a chance to watch television. P was upset and exhausted so Daddy spent his time playing and soothing her while I ate and then we put her to bed. I love this crazy life. I love that she reached back and forth between her grandpa and me today just being a silly girl. I love that my husband reacts so quickly to help her when she starts vomiting. I love that she will smile even after throwing up and being so sick because she’s a happy baby. I love everything about this life and I wouldn’t change it.

Your Kid Should Attend Sex Ed

Your Kid Should Attend Sex Ed

This post is for the parents who won’t let their kids attend sexual education and won’t teach their kids anything besides abstinence. I know it’s a very specific targeted group of folks but they should definitely read what I have to say.

I wasn’t allowed to attend sex ed when I was in school because it would apparently teach me how to have sex and that was the worst thing that could ever happen. I lived with adults who couldn’t fathom why it would be important for a young girl to know anything about sexual reproduction because they weren’t going to allow me to have sex so why should I attend? You would also make the assumption that if they weren’t going to allow me to attend then they would have the conversations with me about periods, sex and so on…. The assumption would be incorrect. When I did start my period I was told where the pads were and that was it. At 12 years old, I didn’t know anything about what was happening because I was forbidden from learning it and was just directed where to get the supplies I had no idea how to use. I was never purchased my own and had to share with my mother so whatever brand she used was what I was stuck with.

My sexual education consisted of being told over and over again that I wasn’t allowed to have sex, ever. My brothers of course were allowed to attend sex ed because they were boys. They knew more about my reproductive system than I did. The pads I used weren’t the right kind for me (of course, because they weren’t for me they were for my mother) so I had the fun pubescent experience of having a blood stain on the back of my khaki pants (because to top it all off I wore uniforms so khaki it was). Wearing a navy sweater every day during your period, because you are still figuring out when you get your period, just in case you need to tie it around your waist is both genius and humiliating.

Do you know what is worse than your child potentially having sex because they have learned what a penis and vagina are? Your child having sex and not knowing how any of it works. If you think being uneducated about having sex will keep teenagers from having sex you are sorely mistaken. The girl that you didn’t allow to attend sex ed has no idea what is happening when she gets her period for the first time. Your son who didn’t attend sex ed doesn’t know that he needs to wear a condom to protect himself from accidental pregnancies.

In 2017, I can’t imagine any child or teenager that doesn’t have access to the internet but if for some reason you are a parent who has your child locked in a box of “no sex ever” then you need to stop and think about what you are doing. Your job is to protect your children; you are supposed to raise them to be productive members of society, educate them in the ways of the world and yes that includes periods, sex, condoms and whatever else you think is taboo. If you won’t, someone else who doesn’t have your child’s best interest at heart will. Do you want your now teenage daughter to learn about sex from the first douche who says, “Our first time can be together?”

They are your kids and I sure as hell don’t want some random blogger on the internet telling me what to do with my kid but this is something I think you will regret later.

Diaper Bag Essentials

Diaper Bag Essentials

It’s 70+ degrees outside, we had just completed a hike (our first ever with P) she started crying about halfway through the trail because she was hungry. She was still so little then and didn’t have much of a feeding schedule. Luckily, we had carried her diaper bag with us while we hiked through the forest. One parent had P on their back and the other had the diaper bag. Dad had been carrying her for a majority of the walk so I carried her when she started crying. He made a bottle when we finally got to the end and I carried her in one arm and fed her with the other. By the time we got to the truck my arms felt like jello and I had no idea how I was able to carry her and feed her after walking miles in the heat carrying a bag full of stuff.

Hiking Trail Bridge

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My Breastfeeding Nightmare

My Breastfeeding Nightmare

A woman is standing at the front of the room with a knit scarf that has a large breast on each end. There are baby dolls lying on tables in front of each couple and 70+ PowerPoint slides covered in text from top to bottom that are meticulously read instead of just a couple of bullet points… this was our version of hell.

My husband and I are preparers, we like to have things ready to go and know exactly what is going to happen. That is how we found ourselves listening to a lady with a monotone voice go over how to properly massage the nipple at 8pm on a weekday. Friends of ours had opted to take the parenting course that was covered all on a Saturday but we didn’t want to give up our time for that so we opted into the once a week for four weeks course. Everything about the course up until the last one on breastfeeding had been great and not as awkward. Then this lady happened…

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Three-Day Weekend

Three-Day Weekend

I’m not really a big cleaner… I like things to be clean but I dislike cleaning unless I’m in the mood for it. It sounds lazy and it probably is, but it’s the truth. Until today my closet was full of maternity clothes, baby P’s clothes that don’t fit anymore and uncomfortable shirts from previous jobs. Something clicked for me this morning (I think it was picking up a white mocha) and for my husband as well. Without saying anything, we went into spring-cleaning mode.

With it being the end of the month, we started with planning for the month ahead and finalizing the previous month. That consists of:

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Being a Braver Mom

Being a Braver Mom

I need to learn how to stand up for myself and especially for my daughter. I was having breakfast with a friend of mine celebrating her new job offer at a local bakery and brought P along. I had her in her stroller because she was sleepy and she does much better if she is sitting eye level with the people at the table. She hasn’t been feeling well so she just sat there with a sour face looking around trying to soak in the brightly colored interior. We were sitting next to the register so everyone that wasn’t already eating smiled and talked to P.

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