I need to learn how to stand up for myself and especially for my daughter. I was having breakfast with a friend of mine celebrating her new job offer at a local bakery and brought P along. I had her in her stroller because she was sleepy and she does much better if she is sitting eye level with the people at the table. She hasn’t been feeling well so she just sat there with a sour face looking around trying to soak in the brightly colored interior. We were sitting next to the register so everyone that wasn’t already eating smiled and talked to P.
We’ve all been there… you are driving and smell what can only be the peaches from earlier this afternoon. You look in the rear-view mirror and in the baby mirror is a smile a mile wide. They know exactly what is going on and are happy as can be but you on the other hand are regretting that button-up with capri combo you picked out.
After a week of snot and exhaustion, I headed out for a work trip hoping that I would feel better before the plane hit ground in Houston. Luckily, I was feeling a ton better and only had a little bit of an issue with my voice at the beginning of the day. The trip went well and although I didn’t get to say goodnight to P every night I was gone it felt nice to take a breath at least in one area of life. I missed her like crazy but I was so busy in and out of meetings, catching up on emails and plane hopping that I didn’t get a chance to be sad. Then when I was lying in bed at the hotel in the big empty bed, I felt it. I started looking at videos of her on my phone and sending pictures to my husband that he maybe didn’t have. I missed them but I love what I do and what I do involves being away from them sometimes.
This past week has been tissues, boogers, gunky eyes, and doctors’ appointments. Baby P and I have pink eye and respiratory issues. It sucks to be out of work and working from home because you are sick, but it’s even worse when you need to take care of someone else who is also sick. Exhaustion kicks in after a couple of days and you want to snuggle them to make them feel better but you don’t have the energy. As a parent, you pull all of the remaining energy you have to ensure that they are comfortable and are starting to feel better.
The farmhouse look is the “in” thing right now and one piece that pops up over and over on my Pinterest is serving trays. If this would have been during my brief stint in startups; I would have no issue spending $40+ on a tray that would just sit on the dining table. Scrolling through Pinterest I’ve seen so many white destressed trays or glass and wood trays but they didn’t really fit my style. Then one day I was at Goodwill looking for picture frames and passed by a unique setup where they had some decorative metal pieces on an old wood tray. I ignored it at first and kept glancing at it while looking for frames. Then these ladies started to hover around it and I knew I needed to grab it before they did.
I’ve been feeling really emotional over the past week. It might have to do with baby P having more of a personality lately resulting in me missing her even more. She snuggles now and looks up at you with a sly smile because she is drooling milk all over your shirt. Today she was chewing on my leg in an attempt to help her aching teeth. It doesn’t hurt and I don’t believe she is going to learn to bite people based on gnawing on my leg at five months old (I could be raising a vampire, who knows). Right now, she is wailing from her bed because her little nubs of teeth are trying to break through. My amazing husband is giving her baby Tylenol to try to help her.
Being a mom can feel very lonely. You always have someone around you but unless you know and hangout with other moms you are living in this isolated world of drool, bottles and endless videos of attempts at crawling. Family members are excited to see pictures and video but it is hard to get any time to yourself. Even when you do get time away you miss them and look at pictures and videos, which start the cycle of “I’m a bad mom because I’m here instead of home.”