After a week of snot and exhaustion, I headed out for a work trip hoping that I would feel better before the plane hit ground in Houston. Luckily, I was feeling a ton better and only had a little bit of an issue with my voice at the beginning of the day. The trip went well and although I didn’t get to say goodnight to P every night I was gone it felt nice to take a breath at least in one area of life. I missed her like crazy but I was so busy in and out of meetings, catching up on emails and plane hopping that I didn’t get a chance to be sad. Then when I was lying in bed at the hotel in the big empty bed, I felt it. I started looking at videos of her on my phone and sending pictures to my husband that he maybe didn’t have. I missed them but I love what I do and what I do involves being away from them sometimes.
I started traveling for work in 2012, which was a new experience and something I really enjoyed. I didn’t like being away from my husband (then boyfriend) but I got used to flying, presenting and feeling like I was doing something productive. When I switched jobs, I didn’t travel outside of a big conference once a year and missed it but didn’t think too much about it. Now I’m back in a position where I can travel and I’m facing the dreaded baby FOMO.
This morning I had to motivate myself to get out of bed. My daughter and husband are both sick and I’ve been sick for a little while now but I am well enough to go to work (and not contagious). My alarm went off several times and each time I turned it off then set another for ten minutes, fifteen minutes, twenty minutes out. This routine started at 5:30 and didn’t end until 7:40. At 7:40, I started telling myself in my head “get up! Get out of this bed!” but it was so hard. It was cold, my husband was snoring all night because he is sick, the baby snoring and making loud sick noises and my being sick kept me up off and on all night. This morning my body was almost at its breaking point of saying “pick another day, this one is not it.”
Baby P has started to chew on everything and the pediatrician said she has little nubs in her gums so she could be teething already. It is the most adorable and gross thing you’ll ever see a little baby do besides a blow-out (which is mainly gross but sometimes cute). Everything is covered in spit and she is so happy holding a little butterfly toy in her hands listening to it crunch when she bites down. These moments make it hard to remember the first month of my husband and I sleeping in shifts to stay up with her so she wouldn’t scream all night. It almost makes the sleepless nights and agonizing days of bouncing, screams, frustration and piles of diapers seem like a distant memory.